


It's Negative Attention.

by Liightsnow



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Depressed Kim Yoosung, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Poor Kim Yoosung, Post ze, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24119977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liightsnow/pseuds/Liightsnow
Summary: Yoosung knows how the day will go. He knows how the day will be. . .He also knows how this day will end. Just like everyother day.
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel/Kim Yoosung
Comments: 7
Kudos: 178





	It's Negative Attention.

The light from the window shown in the room like a blinding glimmer. Yoosung shielded his eyes, standing from his desk to close the blinds. Once more engulfing his room in a familiar and friendly dark. He turned his head to his phone, flicking it on to see the time. 7:00 AM. He rubbed at his eyes and sighed with a soft and almost silent voice. He stared back at his books and papers- mentally berrading himself for staying up so long to study.    
  
He moved his gaze from his papers and books onto his computer. His eyes felt like weights as he blinked at it. He hadn’t played LOLOL in two weeks, yet it still looked like the rest of the RFA didn’t believe he could pull it off. If he was honest with himself, the thought that they still had no faith in him hurt. 

He shook his head, ignoring any and all negative thoughts which filled his mind. He knew why they wouldn’t have faith in him, he was utterly  _ useless  _ after all. Why would they believe in him? He wasn’t even able to accept the death of his own cousin. . .no- he didn’t know why that thought came into his head again.. It wasn’t like they would hold that against him..

He blinked again, breaking himself out of his thoughts as he stared down once more, at the books and papers cluttering his desk. He felt sick, he felt as if these items had been dirtied by his hands. He swallowed back bile and once more shook his head… Why weren’t these thoughts stopping? He looked at the clock again-  _ 7:30  _ had he really just spent thirty minuets thinking about nothing? 

He had class in thirty more minuets- he reminded himself as he slowly stood from his seat once more. He grabbed a change of clothes, pleased that he had remembered to do laundry the previous day. He had also remembered to shower.. For some reason, that simple task seemed to be difficult recently. As he changed he felt his head ache with lack of sleep, his stomach growling in need of food. 

When he first skipped a meal, it had been an honest mistake. He had woken up late for his new job as Ju- Mr.Hans assistant. He ran out the door the moment he had gotten dressed, forgetting about food for that morning. . .Then Mr.Han had him work through his lunch break. He was going to eat a big dinner to make up for it, but once again Jumin had intervened. Offering to take Yoosung out for dinner since it was his first day at his new job. 

He never liked it when people bought things for him. . .that included food and other needs. Jumin insisted on taking him somewhere expensive, he insisted on buying anything Yoosung wanted. It was weird.. It made Yoosung feel weird too. In fact. . .he felt the most weird when he looked into Jumins eyes during the dinner. They were intoxicating almost.. Yoosung didn’t let that phase him. He ordered the tiniest and least expensive thing on the menu. 

The next time he looked at Jumin- he realized why Jumins presence felt so nice. . .He was wearing the same cologne as Seven.

When he got home later that night. . .his hunger didn’t hurt anymore.

The next few times he didn’t eat was so he could save money. His A/C broke and sweating while still trying to study seemed horrible. He skipped out on dinners and breakfasts for the next few weeks. Then he was able to buy another A/C. He felt so proud of himself after that. Like he could do anything. Skipping meals came easy to him after that. Sometimes forgetting to eat all together… He never tried to skip, they were all accidents…

Yoosung blinked again- oh. He was in his classroom… When did that happen? He glanced at the clock-  _ 7:49  _ Oh. Shaking his head, he walked into the room and sat where he normally did.

He blinked again.

The class was over, the clock read  _ 9:00 _ . Oh. . . he sighed, he needed to get to the C&R building. He stood to walk out the door- blinking slowly and…

The C&R building was tall. Yoosung felt dread and tiredness fill his body as he climbed steps to his desk, right outside of Ju- Mr.Hans office. The day was silent, or maybe it wasn’t. Yoosung could hardly remember as he walked out the building, back to his apartment and back to his chair. He stared down at his phone, finally using it for the first time that day. The chat seemed lively.

**_[ Yoosung has logged on! ]_ **

**_Zen:_ ** My day was so long! I love rehearsals!

**_MC:_** We all know you do Zenny~ 

**_Jumin:_ ** Assistant Kim, you’re online today. Haven’t been on yet this week.

Yoosung stared at that message...he was right. It was Friday and he hadn’t logged on once the whole week. Then again- what did it matter? No one had tried messaging him. He typed a message- then he deleted it. He typed another message...he kept doing that for five minutes before he settled on just...lying. 

**_Yoosung:_ ** Well! I guess not playing LOLOL has really put me off all electronics!

**_Zen:_ ** Or you’ve played it so much this week you forgot about the chat.

They still didn’t believe him. God- was he really that pathetic? Was he so useless that they believed he couldn’t even do such a simple task?   
  
  


**_Jumin:_ ** I’m sure it’s not that. Afterall, his grades have improved. Maybe for once he’s just studying too much. He does need to study a lot more.   
  
‘ _ Maybe for once’ _

He wasn’t dumb- He didn’t get top grades throughout all of highschool for them to think he was dumb. 

But he  _ was dumb-  _ wasn’t he? Because even after all this time- all of these years. Even after MC showed up and hosted the party… he still couldn’t accept that Rika was dead.

He could FEEL that she was alive- He KNEW that she was alive. . .He couldn’t believe that she would kill herself. How could he? Rika was who he idolized- who he thought was the best in the world.. If she was so great- and still killed herself then-

What did Yoosung deserve?

He wasn’t as kind as she was- he didn’t do all the things she could do. He could barely keep his math grades above a C. Rika was. . .amazing- like a goddess who’s one goal was to help all those around her. Yoosung thought she could never do wrong.. .. ..

He was nothing like her. He only made people worry. He only made people upset. He only made people annoyed. He could never make someone as happy as she did and he  _ knew _ it. 

Oh right he was in the chat… what did he miss?

**_Zen:_ ** It’s about time that he gave up on that game. I still don’t believe that he hasn’t played it in 2 weeks

**_MC:_ ** Yeah...I hate to say it but it doesn’t seem realistic for you Yoosung!

**_Zen:_ ** Exactly- I suggest just taking his computer for a bit! The best way to stop an addiction is too now be able to indulge. 

**_MC:_ ** Well we can’t just take it away babe. He might need it for class

**_Jumin:_ ** Assistant Kim is doing just fine by himself. No need to take his things,   
  


**_Yoosung:_ ** Oh by the way! I wanted to know if anyone had time to talk? Maybe DMs?

**_Mc:_ ** Yeah no. Sorry date night

**_Zen:_ ** My No is the same as MCs. Date night.

  
  
**_Yoosung:_** Oh- It really won't take long

**_Zen:_ ** Sorry gotta go quickly! We can’t be late!

**_MC:_ ** Yeah! Sorry GTG

**_[ Zen has signed off ]_ **

**_[ MC has signed off ]_ **

He held his breath.. He shouldn’t have sent that- he probably upset them- that’s why they left so quickly. Jumin was the only one left… He… he’s been so nice recently- maybe he’d want to talk?  
  
**_Jumin:_** Sorry Assistant Kim. Work calls. Whatever you need to talk about isn’t as important as the business. Get over it, you’ll be fine. 

_ Get over it. You’ll be fine _

**_Yoosung:_ ** yeah. Thats true. 

He. . . .He will be fine- won’t he? It never mattered what he felt. How he feels  _ never  _ has mattered to them.   
  
As he stares at his reflection in the mirror his mind screams at him. His cheeks feel hot with tears and- he doesn’t even know when he started to cry. He can’t even catch his breath anymore- sobs rack through his body like waves hitting the sand.

Why couldn’t he be enough? He always tried so hard to help everyone else. He always tried to be better for everyone… it was never enough. He blinked- the clock shown again,  _ 17:21  _ or  _ 5:21PM _ . When had he walked to his desk?

Why was the day going so weirdly fast? . . .It had been like this the whole week. Yoosung ran his fingers through his hair. Wait- had he skipped lunch again today- did he skip dinner again today? He was so happy that the RFA rarely saw him in person. Other than Mr.Han, no one had to see him look so. . .sickly.

His wrists itched- for a moment he had the thought of carving into them again- no...he hadn’t done that since highschool and he  _ isn’t  _ losing his clean streak… Why was he alone? He  _ hated  _ being alone. He checked his phone.

No missed calls

No missed notifcations

No one checked up on him

_ No one cared _

No one. . . cared. He played with that thought for a moment...yeah- no one  _ did  _ care. Did they? He wasn’t useless why would they- Rika told him time and time again in the past that useless things are useless for a reason. Useless people have already served their purpose.  _ He was useless.  _

_He wished that he would have killed himself instead of Rika._

Everyone missed Rika.  _ Rika  _ was  _ useful. Rika _ wasn’t a  _ burden. Rika  _ never hurt people.  _ Rika  _ only made people happy. Never made people worry. 

If he died they wouldn’t need to worry about him.

If he died then maybe they would be happier-

Rika always said useless people didn’t need to be around.

He stood up again. Walking to his fridge. Empty, oh yeah. He never went out for food. . .he doubted he needed it really. Who would even care if he starved to death?

A knock sounded at his door. Yoosung stared at the wooden wall as if it would attack him. He waited a moment- a knock sounded again and this time he heard a voice.

“Yoosung!!! Oh Honey~ I’m home!!!” Seven… Why was he here? He said he had a lot of work. . .why would he be here?

Yoosung walked over to the door and opened it slightly, he looked at Sevens face. He always looked so much nicer than Yoosung did. The more he looked at Seven the stranger everything seemed- Seven had a suitcase- it was half open so Yoosung could tell that it was empty. He also had a bouquet of roses held in his hand. The red as vibrant as his fiery hair. Not to mention…. He had takeaway with him dinner for two…

  
  


\-------------------

Seven stared at Yoosung and his heart broke. He looked like he was one step away from death- how. . .how could no one else see this? He sighed as he pushed his way inside. When he saw the chat he had already gotten angry, He  _ knew  _ that Zen and MC didn’t have a date that night, MC had said earlier that they planned on staying in. 

Jumin. God Jumin, always saying that work is more important than Yoosung. He knew something was wrong- Yoosung never asked for help about something small without sending his sad emotes. Something was terribly wrong with him. So he did what he knew he had to-

Bring an empty suitcase to Yoosungs house and have the blonde move in with him- He had  _ plenty  _ of room! And they always shared beds. So he assumed that it would be easy to do… he knew how little the smaller man owned.

But seeing Yoosung in the state he was in. . .he knew he mind the right choice by coming here to see him. He  _ knew  _ that he needed to comfort him.

  
  


Seven closed the door behind him. Neither of the two spoke as he placed down the suitcase and slowly engulfed Yoosung in a hug. The floodgates broke once more, Yoosungs tears falling like a storm onto Sevens jacket. He gripped at it tight, sobbing on his best friend's shoulder. The roses and between their bodies, almost as if being a barrier. 

Yoosung pulls himself away for a moment, but he’s pulled back in, this time instead of a hug- he feels Sevens lips on his own. His heart feels warm and he can’t stop himself from kissing back.

Sevens lips feel smooth, Yoosung can almost taste the honey buddha chips that are left on his breath. Yoosung feels almost- safe in Sevens embrace, he even allows the other man run his fingers through his blonde hair. When Seven finally pulls away, Yoosung looks up at him with a loving gaze and speaks quietly…

“I thought you had a lot of work to do…” His voice is soft, almost like he’s afraid that speaking will break them apart. Sevens own eyes look down at Yoosung,he smiles at the boy before slowly tapping against his cheek.

“I did. But you seemed off- and as I am Defender Of Justice, 707! I knew I needed to come and see you…” His voice trails off as he looks at the horribly cared for apartment. “It looks like my hunch was right.”

Seven walks them both over to the couch, sitting Yoosung down beside him as he opens the boxes of takeaway. He smiles as he watches Yoosung immediately dig into the food given to him, not even caring about the scene they had just been in. Seven felt. . .happy. Yoosung scarfed down food like a lion who hadn’t eaten in days. Seven even allowed him to have his own food as well. 

Yoosung felt a tug at his heart once he finished the food. He looked over at Seven and the taller man extended the roses-

“At first- I had planned to give these to you before I kissed you but. . .I just couldn’t help myself…” Yoosungs face turned a deep red as he accepted the roses… they reminded him so much of Sevens hair. 

Without another hesitation Saeyoung quickly spoke- “Yoosung I don’t ever want you to be alone like this- not ever again. You deserve to be loved and you deserve to be cared for so- Yoosung-” He stopped before wishing out a key from his pocket-

“Please. Move in with me.”

  
Yoosungs heart stopped- moving in. . .he- He never felt sad when he was with Seven- Saeyoung always made him feel safe. . .always made him feel loved. Yoosung wiped tears from his eyes as he grabbed the key into his hands and looked at Seven.

“Of course I’ll move in with you”


End file.
